Jesus says; ‘my soul is greatly troubled’ and the letter to the Hebrews explains this
experience of Jesus as he offering himself to the Father in loud cries and tears. Jesus
meditates on his death on the cross and human cruelty/sin terrifies him. It was not that
Jesus chose death but rather the cross was the consequence of Jesus offering
transforming love to a world of sin. The Father is glorified in Jesus’ death as he reveals
the triumph of love in his resurrection. Only a person of love can feel the pain of others
or sins of the world: sins of human beings treating each other as trash, violent, abusive
behavior, indifference to human sufferings etc.! Jesus says his death is like a grain of
wheat falling to the ground and dies to bear fruit, a path his disciples have to imitate.
Falling to the ground is self-emptying, humility of heart to give one’s full potential to
love. The seed has an inner dynamism, freedom, space to empty itself to grow and
produce something new; it continues to give its fruits for food and it becomes part of
the receiver. The seed fulfills its mission, a life for others! Dying and losing paradox is
about letting go our resentful, unhappy self for God to work in us his plan. In the
Eucharist we see the mystery of death of Christ giving life, given for all for eternal life!
Often our souls are troubled; we offer prayers with loud cries and tears when hit by
tragedies, ill health, things getting out of our control and the silence of God would
seem excruciating! This is part of the process of transforming the grain [our life], to let
go our unrealistic hold on life. Once there was a grandmother who adored her oldest
grandson (like most grandmothers do). He was a good young man, handsome, friendly,
courteous, more mature than you could reasonably expect any teenager to be. He was
also an excellent athlete. Then, just a week before graduation, another teen (quite
drunk) plowed into the car in which the young man was returning from a baseball
game. He died three hours later in the hospital. Everyone in the family was, devastated,
as you can well imagine. The grandmother was furious. “Why do such terrible things
happen?” she demanded. “Why did it have to happen to my grandson? What kind of
God would permit this to happen to me? He must be a cruel and vicious God. Why
should I believe in him?. My grandson was so young, he had the rest of his life ahead
of him; he had a right to a long and happy life. I don’t believe in heaven. I don’t believe
in anything.” She carried on like this for months, making the tragedy even harder for
her family. She stopped going to Church. “I just hate God,” she insisted. Then one
night, maybe she was dreaming, her grandson, in his baseball uniform, came to visit it
her. “Cool it, Grams.” he told her. “I’m happy. Life is much better where I am. You’re not
acting like my grams any more. We all have to die sometime, young or old, but here
we’re all young and we’re all laughing.” So the grandmother began to let go of her grief
and rage.
It is spring, seeding time, you prepare to bury seeds which will be lifted up from the
ground and their fruits gladden your hearts! The image of seed falling to the ground is
about burying our hardness of heart, selfishness, prejudice, hatred, judgmentalism to
bear fruits of love, healing that brings joy, peace, then we will weep with the sorrowful
and share the pain of the grieving. Unfortunately, many are averse to sacrificial love;
feeding one’s own ego comes first. Love is a movement from selfish-self to Christ like
self, losing our way to choose love’s way! Like a seed, it is in self-giving love that life
comes to its true end, its rest in God who is love!