The pharisees questioned Jesus about a very sensitive topic, divorce. Jesus speaks of
the ideal union between man and woman, called to become one flesh, a special plan in
God’s mind. One flesh means common program of life, being together in love. Book of
Genesis creation story, in symbolic language, says, God saw that it was not good for
man to be alone because man’s calling was to create a world of love beginning with the
family unit and for that he needed an equal partner; no one equal to man was found in
the animal world. For true love to be reciprocated one needs an equal partner. God
formed woman from the rib of man; the rib is where the heart is. Man and woman union
is a matter of the heart, love, or heart as seat of emotions, reason and will. Man [ish]
called woman [isha]; names here signify equality, or man and woman loving each other
with whole heart, knowledge and will.
Jesus then talks about divorce and adultery! The background: In the Middle Eastern
world marriage is often arranged between families; it is a shame, honor society. It was
the woman who suffered most in divorces, her safety in danger. By divorcing and
remarrying, the male shames the men in the wife’s family, her father, brothers and other
men in her family and this often led to family feud and bloodshed. Avoid divorce to
keep harmony in the extended family and not to create adulterous situations. Sadly, not
all marriages end well! Jesus says, it is because of the hardness of heart Moses
allowed divorce. It is still hardness of heart and violation of marital vows, reason for
divorces. Hardness of heart is attitude of domination, all about oneself; it is to ignore
one’s spouse, her/his feelings, talents, service to the family; it can be understood as
domestic violence, verbal and physical abuse, humiliating the other. If love doesn’t
define marital relationship, marriage ends. When love is replaced by selfishness, ager,
suspicion, marriage falls apart; the sacred in marriage disappears and often God is
ousted from such union; many are angry at God for destroying their marriage! Jesus is
not saying that a married person must remain in an abusive relationship. He is
persuading married people to strive to live the ideal love, God’s intention in uniting man
and woman to form a family! Unfortunately, there are those who falsely believe if they
are divorced they are not welcome in the church; no, church is a place for all who are
hurting, saints and sinners. Church exists to bring God’s compassion and healing to all!
A couple returned home happy but tired after celebrating their fortieth wedding
anniversary. Before going to bed they sat in the kitchen and the husband offered to
make a snack for both of them. He collected ham, cheese, mustard and took out from
the breadbox the last four slices of bread. He carefully made two sandwiches as she
liked and gave it to her. She asked: how come you always give me the sandwich with
the heel of the bread. Forty years we have been married and you always give me the
heel of the bread. I know I have never said anything before, but honey, I really hate the
heel of the bread. Embarrassed, he shrugged his shoulders and said: I always give you
the heel of the bread because it is my favorite piece. It is story of tender love but also
some lack of communication. For forty years the husband did not know his wife
disliked the heel of the bread! How do you communicate with your spouse?
Getting married is accepting a challenge to love, to share each others dreams, hopes,
fears and not to be afraid of being vulnerable to each other. If you dare to love, be
ready to suffer! Be inspired by couples who honor and cherish their marriage vows in
sickness and health, in good times and bad! Son of God became man and called us his
brothers and sisters, God’s outreach to us in humility, love and compassion. Kindness,
understanding and even a readiness to give up life for the sake of the other or Christ
like attitude is needed for the stability of marriage.