Homilies on Sacraments [series 11]
Sacrament of Matrimony
Bible speaks of marriage as designed by God; it is a vocation, a calling of man and
woman to be in union, a project for happiness. In Genesis 1:26-27 we read that God
created man in his image and likeness; male and female he created them. God blessed
them saying, be fruitful and multiply. Genesis 2:18, the Lord said, “it is not good that
man should be alone” [this can be applied to woman too; happiness and meaning in
life is always relational]. The union between man and woman in marriage is primarily for
being in companionship, experience togetherness, intimacy and be fruitful in love.
Secondly marriage is about the couple becoming a new reality. This is given as a
blessing to multiply or have children. This gift can be absent in some couple [Abraham
and Sarah had no children until advanced in age; Parents of John the Baptist Zechariah
and Elizabeth were childless until late in life]. Some others might deny this blessing!
In marriage man and woman reflect God’s image, the love of God in real human setting!
Readings of third Sunday Advent speak of God coming to bring joy to human hearts.
Like a farmer who waits for the seeds to grow and bear fruits, one must be patient and
wait for God’s grace to lead us to purposeful, joyful living! God’s will for husband and
wife in marriage is their joy; they are called to cherish and appreciate the goodness and
beauty of creation in their union. The seed of love planted in couple’s coming together
in marriage needs to grow and get stronger each day. It requires trust in God who calls
to union and patience. Patience is sign of growing in mutual trust!
Writing to Corinthians Paul says that marriage is a spiritual gift, for the good of the
couple, for the church and for the world to reflect love of God; unconditional love of
God is manifested in the unconditional love of the couple. This makes marriage a
common project, equal commitment expressed in marriage vows; couples promise to
love and honor each other in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. Couples
become a co-self or joint self; they are distinct but united. This demands putting the
needs of the other before one’s own [or be Christ like]; have the freedom to go deeper
in understanding each others dreams and hopes through reflection and prayer; know
that happiness, well-being in marriage depends on each others’ selfless gift.
Uniqueness of each other is not a matter of conflict but a richness to be embraced
[each others’ talents, job, family, leisure time]. There is unity in marriage, not uniformity.
Unfortunately, there are failed marriages. Couples do not enter marriage for separation
or divorce, however some experience zero chance to restore lost love in marriage.
Catechism says: union in marriage is threatened by discord, domination, jealousy,
spite, infidelity, alcoholism that escalate into hatred and separation. Human nature as it
is, the sailing ship of life together can be at times in rough seas and sinking is a
possibility. Sometimes they forget that the Lord is their to pull them out of the water
from drowning, just as the Lord saved Peter!
A woman says: on their first date, looking at her future husband, she said to herself: O
God, how great thou art! A year after marriage they began fighting over smallest things,
emotions running high, both wanting to be right at the same time. Learning to say sorry
doesn’t come easily or is not said quickly enough or failed to express in different ways:
a smile, a little love note, a cup of tea or simply, I am sorry! In all ups and downs, God
is there through it all; being part of church community, receiving grace through
eucharist, our prayer life, all helping us grow into ever deeper intimacy with each other.
10 weapons, you should consider putting down when fighting [by Matt Paolelli]:
-avoidance: don’t want to talk about something happened
-silent treatment: punish your partner by telling as little as possible about an issue
-anger: angry language, yelling
-making excuses, million reasons it is not your fault
-unwilling to apologize, fight becomes a staring contest
-Bait and switch: fight about what is for dinner but you both know it is really about
money
-throwing daggers: you use past mistakes as tool for later fight
-venting: instead of taking up the issue with your partner, complain about it to your
friend, co-worker or anyone who will listen
-mocking: repeat what your partner said in a belittling way
-fixating: your partner misspeaks something they don’t really mean, you latch on the
phrase and hold it over them
Learn to care about your spouse than the issue! For one negative thing happens, react
with 5 positive things!